The Hair Saga Continues: Nappy Anniversary!

Guess what guys? It's Aife's Anniversary. It's officially been a year and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I've learned a lot over the past year and I want to talk about it with you.

1. It will always be more drastic than you expect:
When I did my big chop I hadn't had a relaxer in upwards of a year anyway. For various reasons. Lack of money, lack of time...you name it. And the thought of getting another one filled me with more dread than anything so I decided that I consciously wasn't going to relax anymore. Which was a liberating feeling honestly. But in the same token the thought of cutting off the relaxed ends -even though they were useless- honestly made me cry. A girl was a already hard up for some hang time and here was the time I had to commit to having even LESS hair. That just didn't seem right.

But I did it. And immediately after I covered my head with a full weave. I wasn't ready to look at it. To deal with it. About 3 or 4 weeks later I took it down and washed my fully natural head for the first time I don't know how long. When I unwrapped my head and looked in the mirror my first thought was "I look like a boy." As a queer woman I have no problems blurring the lines a little with what it means to be masculine or feminine. But I looked like my kid brother and that was a bit too boyish for me. I regretted taking my hair down. For an hour or two at least. Then I pulled myself together. This was my decision and my commitment. Was it what I was expecting? No. Hell no. But that's okay. This is a learning process.

2. Love, Length Envy and other reactions:
I've gotten a bunch of different reactions when it came to going natural. One of my best friends who's been natural her whole life was kind of like..."and?" My mom was like "okay great...whatever you want to do." My grandparents think I wear too much weave anyway so... No let's dissect them a little more. My grandfather doesn't like the colors I chose. My grandmother just doesn't like it. She doesn't like perfume either but that's a different rant. I remember going to my aunts house. completely fro'd out -the curls from my twist out had fallen- and my grandmother -who had just cut off all her hair- looked at me and said "Oh I'm so glad I don't have that problem." To which I replied. "I don't see it as a problem. I like my fro." This is a big deal because it's the first I'd ever said it...and really meant it.

When I finally saw another "aunt" of mine her reaction was...i don't know how to explain it really. I remember her saying "You cut off your hair?" To which I replied I had gone natural She replied "I understand, sometimes you just get sick of it...but if you ever want to go back to relaxers it'll take really well." Ummm...is that supposed to be a compliment? I get a lot of "Oh I love your hair... but I could never do that... I couldn't deal with it everyday. It's cute on you though." And I have to be honest sometimes it's hard. And Aife acts a damn fool but I stand by her even on the days when I hate her. The funny thing about it was that I had these people who were loving my hair...and I wasn't one of them. I'd go on youtube and look at hair videos and see these beautiful girls with shoulder length, back length hair and I was still in the awkward right after TWA phase. I'd get so sad sometimes. I still do occasionally. But I really have embraced Aife for what she gives me. -Hell as you can see I've named her- And we'll get there. Some day.

3. Low manipulation does NOT mean No manipulation:
Truth- I can't french braid or flat twist to save my life. I mean sure I practice but the results are rarely any good. So I was hard up to find styles that I could do myself aside from the wash-n-go and blow drying/ flat ironing. It's been a lot of trial and error. A lot of frustration and sew ins when I just can't take it any more. And to top it off I'm a culinary arts major. I have to wear a chef's hat in a very dry kitchen for hours on end. Not good for the kinks let me tell you. So I was real quick to just through some moisturize and and a beanie and call it a day. Which I still do if I'm just running to the store. This is horrible for my hair so I make it a point to stop doing it. My hair is breaking a lot less these days

I've invested in wigs. A short pink one and a mid length blue one. They're really good for when I'm running late for things or just miss having straight hair. I've mentioned before how I don't blow dry or flat iron. In the beginning I used to. Now it just doesn't happen. I've since found a twist method that works for me. I've invested in flexi rods and when I get some cash I'm going to try curl formers. I have to admit I'm really feeling the itch to get some zillions or kinky twists so we'll see. Every time I style my hair I get a little bit better at it so if you're like me and aren't really skilled in the art of hair hang in there, you'll get the hang of it. We're learning ladies.

4. Naming Aife and admitting I might have a problem:

Aife (Pronounced ee-fa) is an Irish name which translates to "radiant". I've long been fascinated  with different cultures and mythologies. I have a triquetra (celtic knot) tattooed on my wrist and it just kind of fit you know. Now if I can keep my hands out of my curls we'll be all good.

And lastly I must admit that I am a budding product junkie. I'm not necessarily buying a lot because I'm poor but I research a lot of things and I want to try a lot of things when I do get the money. But that's alright. I gotta find what works.

There are a million other things that I could say but this post is getting long so I'll stop here. I'll be back to ramble some more. And when I find my camera I'll even post pics. Adieu until then CurlyGirls!

P.S. I'm still very open to your tips, suggestions and stories. Drop a line.

XOXO  

The Hair Saga Continues: Natural Nazis

Can I be honest? My hair scares me. I'm always afraid that I'll  make one wrong move and Boom! I'll be bald. Logically I know that the chance of that happening is unlikely. I'm careful about the products that I use. But I really can't shake the feeling.

My Nappy Anniversary is coming up soon. It will be a year in March and I can't believe I made it. Even if I feel like its just barely. My mom is natural girl too and I find it interesting that our approaches to it are different. We use the same products but styling is an entirely different matter. I will rock a Wash-n-Go with the quickness. Twist-outs are my best friends. (Both of which I'm getting better at doing for myself.) My mom blow drys which I never do. Which brings me to the point of this post.

Sometimes I get the urge to straighten my hair. You know to see where I am lengthwise. I have a good amount of shrinkage. So I'll be all stretched out from braids or whatever and as soon water touches my hair it's like Ta Da baldness! So I know my fro isn't really an accurate depiction of my length. So I get the urge. Then I squash it because I've been on this *No heat* train for so long I don't know how to get off.

My mom and I were talking about it and she goes "You know it's okay to put heat on your hair sometimes. It's not like you're going to take a flat iron to it every day. Don't be a Natural Nazi."

You've heard of those right? The women who believe that you can't truly be natural if you're putting heat on your hair. To which I replied "I AM NOT a Natural Nazi!" I'm just scared...and that's different.

What do you think?

P.S. I love Tresemme Natural Shampoo and Conditioner. It really makes my hair feel clean and it's not oily. I just bought this Shea Butter Deep Masque Conditioner stuff. I've only used it once. I'll come back and tell you about it.

I love you for stopping by.
XOXO

The Hair Saga Continues: It's not..but maybe it is

If you saw my name on an application you would assume I was a black girl. If you found my ipod just lying around or browsed through my Kindle library you most likely would not. I'm aware of this. I'm okay with this. There is no shame in being me. <=== It took me 21 years to figure this out.

Lately I've been reading a lot and hearing about how the "Natural Hair Movement" is this huge political statement that African American women are making. That they are rejecting European standards of beauty and all that hoopla. Like it's a huge huge deal right now. Which is all fine and great I guess but I find myself torn.

What about the girls who did it just because they were sick of salons, latex gloves, itchy/burning scalps.? What about the women who couldn't justify the expense in an economy like this one? What about the ladies who were just sick of all the work? Not to say that being natural isn't work because it is...its just different.

Like I've stated before I read a good amount of hair blogs and almost every single one I feel this urgent hammering. The constant blare of  "I'M A BLACK WOMAN! LOOK AT ME EMBRACE MY BLACKNESS! I'M SO HAPPY NOT THAT I'VE EMBRACED THIS IDEA OF WHAT A CONFIDENT BLACK WOMAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, FEEL LIKE, ACT LIKE. JOIN ME! ACCEPT YOURSELF...THIS WAY"

This is when I get irritated and go watch Jenna Marbles on Youtube. I don't need to be reminded what color my skin is. I don't need to keep being preached to about who I am. Goddamnit I've been a little black girl for a long freaking time. I know how it works. Fuck.

When I decided to do this I had no political agenda. I still don't honestly...at least I don't believe I do.  Is my natural hair a statement to the people who have called me Oreo my entire life? Am I thumbing my nose at the people who tell me that I don't sound black or act black? (what does that even mean?) I doubt  it. But sometimes I wonder.

On the list of words I use to identify myself anything that has to do with race is firmly planted at the bottom. I'm just a girl and it's just hair. Right?

The Hair Saga Continues: How in the hell?!

I'm going to paint a picture for you.

Picture the following:
-Brown skin girl...about 5'4' in skinny jeans, a grey hoodie, an aqua beret, and a fabulously distressed Mossimo green satchel
- Location: The local Target...specifically the shampoo aisle
-Add bewildered expression.

And there my lovely readers you have me. I have honestly never been so lost in my life. So many bottles, so many ingredients. Damage repair...humidity defying...Silicone free...low sulfates...Color me happy...I was dizzy. As you may know I did my BC in March. So I've been natural for all of five months now. And it's been good. I can pull my hair back into a ponytail if I blow dry it which I try really hard not to do. I flying by the seat of my pants here. Trial by fire. I spend a good chunk of my time off browsing hair blogs and watching YouTube videos looking for someone to show me what to do.

Doing the BC was so liberating for me. And not because I'm on some quest to assert my "blackness". Because honestly that is the furthest thing from my mind. I think my skin color is the prettiest thing I have ever seen but aside from that I couldn't give two fucks about race. I mean...have you read my blog? Anyway, I told you all about how I didn't want to be a slave to chemicals in my first post about hair. I was just so sick of  all of it. And seeing as I had been perming my hair on and off since I was like ten I had to admit to myself that I didn't even know what my natural hair was like. I wanted...NEEDED to know. To learn.

Taking care of my natural hair is a whole new ball game for me. Like I don't even know all the rules yet and I figure I might never really know. But I am trying. I am committed to this.

Back to my Target excursion. I stood in that aisle...well there are two where I live and just stared. I read ingredient panels...some of which I couldn't even pronounce which I took as a bad sign. I eventually wandered over to the section of  the aisle that seemed to be specifically for girls with hair like mine. I picked up a jar of Miss Jessie's Whatever-the-fuck. I read the label and the ingredients...all systems go there. Looked at the price...58 goddamned dollars. For one freaking jar!

Excuse my profanity but umm...bitch no. Who the hell do you think I am? I'm a 20 year old college student with a part time job at a sandwich shop, and a cat (who's expensive as fuck btw), who's trying to move out of her mother's house. I can't afford that. And even if I could I doubt would spend that much on stuff.  I looked at Mixed Chicks, Shea Moisture, and even more Miss Jessie's even after my mini heart attack. In the end I ended up buying so Doo Gro growth oil and some Tresseme Natural shampoo and conditioner...and some some Hershey Toffee Nuggets (for emotional distress) A girl is on a budget but she does have standards. I'll come back and tell you how I'm liking Tresseme. Like I said before feel free to drop me a comment on your experiences and what you use. Help a newbie out.

I love you for stopping by

XOXO

I went through with it *yay me*

So it has been done. The Big Chop has come and gone without much fanfare. Okay that's not true. I've been buzzing about it since I did which will be two weeks ago on Friday. And honestly it wasn't as big as I expected. My Big Chop included very little...well chopping. A few snips here a few snips there and it was over. I was surprised when I heard a voice say "Alright all the permed hair is out." I was like: "Seriously?" Was that it? I'd spent weeks spazzing out about this and I have to say that I was a little underwhelmed. Had I blown this way out of proportion? (Yes I did). Anyway I wanted to let you all know that I did do it and I'm happy. I would post a pic of it but...it's covered up by weave. I got a sew-in. I'm still a newbie on the whole caring for natural hair thing so I figured this would be the best bet for me for a while. Sew-ins are a godsend for me because I'm lazy as all get out. Then when it's time to take them out I'll rock a twist out since I really like those. Like I said before, I want a really big fro. I don't have a twa (teeny weenie afro). My hair is just shorter than I'm used to. Taking this weave out will be interesting....

I'm using olive oil based and sulfate/silicone free products on my natural hair. I like how light they feel. What are you using? What do you recommend?  Feel free to drop me a line

I'm gonna get here one day. <3 Wynter

I love you for stopping by :)

The Hair Saga Continues: I'm freaking out!

I don't know about the rest of you out there but my new growth has officially taken over my head and it seems to be exiling my permed hair out on it's own. Before I even get to cut it. My new growth isn't even that hard to deal with so that's nice but now I'm afraid. I can't avoid it anymore. It's time for me to do the BC. I feel like it's  mocking me. I know there is no need to hold on to the last of my permed hair it's just so hard to wrap my head around cutting it. Honestly I don't think I have the face for short hair. (Last time my hair was really short I was in the ninth grade and I thought I looked ridiculous.) I was talking to my mom about it last night and I told her that short or not I just want healthy natural hair. It'll be easier once I'm not dealing with two different textures of hair. I went to bed feeling proud and strong. Cut to 20 minutes later and I'm on the verge of tears. What am I'm going to do with it?(My hair) I don't own earrings and accessories so how am I going to feel cute anymore? I don't want to resort to wigs.  I never ever thought I was that attached my hair. I mean it's just hair right? Why do I feel so awful.

This is by no means going to deter me from what I'm doing. I AM going to complete the transition to being a natural girl. I just wanted to be as honest as possible in this. Are you still with me? I think I need a hug.

The Hair Saga Begins

So lets talk about hair. Do you love your hair? You should love hair. Honestly you should love everything about yourself you sexy little vixen. Yeah I'm talking to you. *Joey from friends voice* Hi you doing? Seriously though, this is about hair.

So I've been sporting a relaxer (faithfully) since I was like thirteen or so. I got my first one when I was like ten. Now on a good day when my hair was freshly relaxed or a few weeks from it, it usually looked something like this.








However I get to three or four months post relaxer and forget about being able to do a goddamn thing with it. I was one of those people who only got a relaxer once a year. I could go on about this  but let's move on. I've been thinking about going natural for months but I never really committed to the idea. Until two days ago that is. I woke up like I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of all of it. Enjoy this list of things I hate about relaxed hair

1. A month or two past relaxer you can't do a thing with your own hair.
2. I have to risk subatomic burning if I happen to scratch my head before I get a relaxer
3. Shit's expensive
4. It smells bad (And I used olive oil)
5. Use Spritz directly after and you almost fall out of your damn chair
6. You can't color your hair for weeks after(Not that I've ever done it it's just the principle)
7. Your hair is thin as fuck (And fuck bump-its)

So obviously it has not been my cup of tea. And my hair still isn't very long. I'm done with this roller coaster. While it will take some time I want my hair to eventually look like this :

The gorgeous woman to your left is Wynter Gordon. And if you don't know who she is well then shame on you! She so nice. I've met her and like oh my god I pretty much came in my pants. Ignore that. Not only is her music awesomesauce, she's really nice and really hot and has AMAZING hair!



So this is the beginning of my hair saga. Join me won't you? I need the support.


I said AWESOMESAUCE GODDAMNIT!!!!