Even though I'm pretty sure that the person of which I speak doesn't realize it. Our friendship is over. I really can't put up with anymore of this bullshit. I guess she deserves a nickname like everyone else I've mentioned in this blog. Let's see...I can't really think of anything that isn't an insult. Let's call her Koala. Yeah Koalas are nice...that isn't insulting.
This wouldn't even be post worthy if it wasn't for all the history that's behind it. That's what makes this hurt. All the history, the experiences, the laughs, the tears, the shared secrets, the blow outs we've recovered from... Of every friend I have I NEVER thought I would write this about her. I thought we'd be friends forever. I guess I was wrong.
Now Koala isn't my best friend but she is my oldest friend...Correction...was my oldest friend. We've stood by each other through so much and now I'm walking away. Washing my hands. Giving up.
But again I am wrong. I've stood by her. She hasn't stood by me. Not really. Not in the 19 years that we have know each other has she ever really stood by me. It has always been one sided. That sounds dramatic but it's true. How many parties have I gone to where no one else showed up? How many times have I bailed on other friends to spend time with her.? I can't even count all the instances. And has she ever done that for me? No.
Now before you think this is your basic "girl gets popular then dumps single good friend" pump the breaks. That's not what this is. I don't mean this in a rude way but...Koala is not popular nor has she ever been. We're both just...normal. Regular. The final straw for me came this past Saturday. It was a gorgeous Spring day and my mother gave me some cash and encourage me and one of my besties Waterlilly to get out. To go out to eat or something like that. Thinking that was a fantastic idea. I jumped up and called Koala. Asking Waterlilly first of course seeing as we were taking her car and I definitely not consider the two friends by any means. So I called and extended the invitation and I got a semi enthusiastic yes. With some semblance of a plan in motion I went to change out of my Tweety Bird PJ's. Now unbeknown to me Koala had called back. When I saw the missed call I called her back. She answered and told me that she wasn't going to be able to hang out with us. I asked why. The following is a mostly accurate transcription of our conversation.
Me: Oh? Why not?
Koala: There's just too much stuff to do around here
(in the background) K's mom: She's lying
Me (irritated now): Why don't you really want to go?
K: I just don't feel like it.
Me: So you rather just sit in your apartment rather than spend time with me?
K: I don't have any money ****** (<== my name)
Me: You know I'd pay for you. It's not like we're going anywhere special or anything
K: I'm tired.
Me: Alright fine. You don't want to hang out with me then I'm not going to force you.
K: Alright.
Me: Bye
K: Bye
Me: (more to myself and waterlilly) Well fuck you then
The call was still running and I don't know if she heard me say that but at this point I don't really care if she did. I was hurt. If she didn't want to spend time with me then fine. I could get over that. What I can't get over is that she blatantly lied to me. And in front of her mother who called her out. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have known I was being lied to. It made me question all the other times I had invited her to do something with me and she bailed. Had she lied to me then too?
It dawned on me then that I always had to force her to do things with me. Like I said before, I have gone to the parties that she's had that NO ONE showed up to and she never did that for me. I had a graduation party and she only stayed for 15 minutes. I was 17 at the time so it was like.... 17 fucking years of fucking friendship and you only stay at my fucking party for 15 fucking minutes. What the fucking fuck.? Wow I used that word a lot. Moving on.
This is running long so I'm going to condense all I was going to say to a fine point. No one should ever have to try that hard with someone who is supposed to be their friend. The fact that she lied to me so bold faced is fucking (there's my word again) disrespectful and I won't forgive it. EVER. So if your reading this and you're going through anything like this drop whoever it is. I'm telling you to do it. DO IT NOW.! I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Because it isn't. Feel free to cry. I did. I've known Koala for 19 years (since I was born ) So this is difficult for me. I'm not just talking out of my ass. I'm just telling you what you and I both seem to have trouble grasping
!!!!!.YOU DESERVE BETTER.!!!!!!!
