In case you were wondering

I'm writing a novel! And no this is not something new that I just jumped into. I've been working on this particular piece on and off since I was seventeen. (That's almost four years if you were counting) I don't know if I'll ever publish it but I do know that I'm going to finish it. For me. This is something I need to see through to the end. I admit that there are days when I want to scrap the whole project. There is this little voice in my head that tells me that no one would care. That no one will want to hear the story of these two amazing, frustrating, funny girls that are with me every minute of every day. But that's okay.

Even if it sits on my computer for the rest of my life it WILL be done. My words mean everything to me. I'm a writer, a (sporadic) blogger, an aspiring chef/ physician... a hypocritical health nut (I have horrible eating habits). I have a lot going on and sometimes I feel like I just keep heaping more onto myself. Often I feel like I'm drowning but I'll figure it out. I have things to prove...to the little girl I was. To the (no-where-near) adult that I'm turning into. If you're out there...if you're interested...I'm willing to share

Today's Dabble in Poetry

I haven't written many poems lately. And I have a thousand excuses as to why. But that's not important. Before I immerse myself in Hell Week. I wanted to share this with you.

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I could call her my first love

But I wouldn't want to put that much pressure on her

To me she was always delicate

Mine to protect

I could say that it was epic

But then I'd be guilty 

Of trivializing  a situation that was much more

Than a lowly adjective

I could have crushed her

Under the weight of all that I felt 

Take her by surprise with the emotions 

That nearly blew me away

I settle on calling her nothing but her name

Accepting that maybe she's just supposed to float in and out of my life

Teaching me...grooming me

Until I find the girl I yearned for her to be

I could call her many things

But today I settle for Sarah

I love you for stopping by

Words to live your life by

Found this on Diamond Gothic's Tumblr. Seemed like something worth sharing 

Just a little something

Tis a work in progress but I like it. I thought it'd be nice to share with you

Out of body experiences had always seemed like a foreign concept to me. Obviously these things didn't really happen. It was just a way to explain away the shock or pain or whatever the person feeling. I have always thought this. Until now. At this very moment I am making tea. Except, I'm not. I'm watching myself make tea for my mom.  I'm watching myself all of a sudden become the parent. I hand her the tea and stroke her hair. Strange. I don't even remember coming home.

The first real memory I have of my father was him carrying me out of a meat locker. I was about six when it happened. The details are a little hazy, but I remember him. Just when I had run out of deities to pray to and accepted that perhaps my life was meant to be short he appeared. Bursting through the thick metal door like Superman. He walked over to corner where I'd been huddled for what seemed like forever and plucked me off the floor. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. My father has always smelled  like coffee, cigarettes and sea water. To this day it is still my favorite smell on the planet.

Green has always been Antonio DeSanti's best color. Which is why he's wearing it now. Why we all are.  The sash on the waist of my mother's dress is lime. My grandmother's hat is moss. My toes are neon and they even glow in the dark. My mother doesn't get it. But he would. He's the one who keeps me grounded.

The thunderstorm feels appropriate. It fits my mother's loud wails and my silent rage. With each boom of thunder I hear her sob "Tony". In the lightning that comes right on its heels I see him. I see red.

Sleep has never been my friend. My bitter enemy taunts me now with flashes of a scene that my heart begs to forget. A scene that feeds my mind. The wheels are turning faster and faster. He has to know I'm coming after him. Salvatierra will join Superman in the dirt.

Starting Something New

So, as all three of my readers know...I love food. Eating, Cooking, Reading, Writing. If it has to do with food then I'm all for it. So bearing that in mind I have decided to start a food blog. I want to share my recipes with the world. The successful experiments and the not so successful ones. I'm still going to keep up with my Tips Tidbits and Shiny Stuff but this way it won't just be a featurette. I'm giving in to my obsession and I'm excited about it. I haven't figured out a name or what it it's going to look like but it is definitely coming soon. *Dorky Happy Dance*


Oh and on a totally unrelated note. I'm handing over the reigns of this crazy thing. At least for a post anyway. The lovely Sunshine is going to guest edit for me so look for that. She's totally quirky and awesome and I love her so I'm going to share her with you...Look at me being all nice and what not...



XOXO, Gossip Girl..... (Hahahaha I've always wanted to do that :) )

M.I.A

So I haven't posted in a while and it's totally not my fault this time. My laptop decided to have a meltdown and wipe out everything on my hard drive. Including the password to the router at my house. So while my Brick's (that's my laptops name...duh) crisis is over and she's running smoothly...I am sans interenet unless I want to use my relic of a desktop. I don't like this thing. It's slow and the keyboard is covered in who knows what thanks to my little terror. (My baby brother)

Along with losing my router passcode I also lost ALL of my music and ALL of my stories...including my halfway finished novel that I have been working on off and on since I was 17. I wanted to lay down and cry. Clearly it was time for me to give up on life. I was never going tp write another word...

But kudos to me for emailing my novel to my lovely Blue Eyes a week before my computer issues began and my amazing bestie Str8jacket had my stories backed up on her computer. My words shall live to see another day.! I could cry from happiness. All of my words are now safely backed up on a flash drive. I'm thinking about putting it in a safe.

I guess this is karma for being lazy. I kept saying that I was going to back up my work and I never did. Consider my lesson learned captain. I'll never make that mistake again. Alas in all this drama...which for once does not include any girls...my blogging has been laid to the wayside. And it probably will be sporadic for a while. At least untile i get my internet situation figured out. But trust me I will return with the drama, tips, tidbits, and more shiny stuff than you can handle. I said you were taking this journey with me remember. Ths has been a minor setback but please do keep your arms, legs, and asses inside the ride at all times. *in my Natalie Portman voice* This is gonna be fun

Long overdue keyboard sex

Did you check? You totally checked. Then you laughed. Save this picture if it strikes you. I like to share. Okay not really but let's pretend that I do....

Wow I can't believe that I've had this blog for an entire year.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long. This time last year I was sitting in my dorm room wishing my by then ex-roommate would spontaneously burst into flames. God I didn't like her...no that isn't true...I did...then I didn't...her fault btw. Now I'm sitting on my couch wishing that I was back in my dorm room. Funny huh?

^My ex roommate^

So feeling nostalgic I went back and read my first post. The amount of asshole-ishness in that post was astounding to me. I'm sorry. I was having a bad week. The most interesting thing about it was the fact that I said that this wouldn't be personal. That's a huge lie. It's completely personal. All I want is for this to be a safe place. Like it says in the banner of this blog. If you haven't found something you identify with...come back tomorrow. I really mean that.

I've been through a lot of stuff that I've just been too lazy to write about. (But I made sure to share the really juicy bits with you) So I pledge to pay this blog, my beliefs and all three of my readers with more respect. I'll at least give you something pretty to look at...

In case you haven't figured it...I'm a total lez  ^_^

And good music to boot

Today's Dabble in Poetry

In Hindsight

Maybe it has always been this way

Perhaps it was obvious

To someone who is not a slight optimist

That something was a little strange

Past occurrences tainted by the bitter feelings attached to the present

Feeling not exactly melancholy

But resigned to unprecedented stupidity

Still this heart would like to believe

That deep down somewhere the blooming flower was not just a brightly colored weed

Misleading into perceiving beauty which in truth only served to spread and infect with its malicious intent

Its a possibility that rose colored glasses have been covering the eyes of the beholder up until this moment

Making every instance of beauty and mirth a fleeting mirage

An illusion to placate the starving heart

One day this all may be looked at through different eyes

Felt with a heart marred with more experience

Examined by a brain with more intelligence

Idealism and naivete have most likely painted stars in these eyes

So now with a detached sort of awareness one feels a dull hurt and a kind of sharp sense of satisfaction

However apparent youth happens to be in the quarreling corners

It is amazing to behold the maturity and grace that have come from the depths of this heart and mind

Yet to be explored

Maybe it was always supposed to be this way

Some lessons are always learned the hard way

There is a faint feeling of loss

Being overshadowed however by this growing sense of gain

Perspective gained by the loss of evanescent skewed adoration

The loss of rose tinted view of the situation

Perhaps the price albeit painful is fair

Maybe in the long run it is absolutely the best thing