The urge to write this literally pulled me out of my bed today. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my little brother crawled into my bed this morning when he thought I was sleeping. It made me smile to think that even though he's almost six he still likes to sleep in my arms sometimes. I'm hoping that at the very least this post inspires some discussion. A girl can dream...
I was...am thinking about sibling relations. Is it harder to be the older sibling or the younger one? I don't have any older siblings so I'm speaking from limited experience. I can say that being the oldest sucks sometimes. I wish I had a big sister or brother to talk to. I would like to do some of the harrassing instead of being harassed al the time. I have five little brothers and one little sister. I only see the aformentioned five year old regularly (we live together) but that's not important. Then again maybe it is important to my entire view on this whole thing.
If it hasn't been obvious I believe that I fail miserably at this big sister thing. How do you know if you're doing it right? I've probably damaged these poor kids for life(I'm being dramatic). By default everything that I accomplish or every mistake I make is under family scrutiny. As such is the family dynamic everything my siblings do or say will be held up next to something I've done in my nineteen years on this planet. Why does this happen? We're completely different people. I don't want my siblings to be like me. If anything I want them to be my complete opposite. A year or two ago I had a a surprise breakfast with four of my brothers and my sister. I was talking to my middle brother when happen to let it slip that I thought he sounded like me. He turned and asked his mom (my step mom) and she said "You're just like her Tim*" His eyes dimmed. I thought it was a little funny at the time but in retrospect I think that maybe it had to suck. Why take the witty attribute of his personality away from him that way? He doesn't just want to be my little brother. He wants to be himself
I hate being scrutinized. I HATE having to set the example. What if I want to go out and just cause a ruckus(which is fun) Sometmes I just want to be able to mess up. I don't think I'm much to live up to anyway but that's not my point either. Why do I have to set a good example? I'm not a fucking parent. This shouldn't be my responsibility.
At the same time it has to suck to be the younger sibling. Who wants to here "When Anna was your age she..." or "Why don't you play *insert random sport here* as well as Jason? He has trophies"? Well whooptie fucking doo for them! Is it really a question where sibling rivalries come from? It seems really obvious to me. So tell me universe...is it harder to live up to the standard or be the standard?
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