Obligatory Psychotic Jackass...oops I mean Christmas post...Damn you Rob Thomas

Merry Meet and Happy Holidays readers! Time to shower and put on those special Christmas pjs and dream of sugar plums.... Haha fat chance. Lately my dreams have been about the upcoming Avenged Sevenfold concert, hamburger buns, and Ohio. Yeah that makes sense I know. I'm doing this now because I honestly won't remember to do this later. I get sidetracked easily (duh!).

So on to what I really want to say. I sincerely hope that you all enjoy your holiday. Don't let anyone ruin it. I'd say something about jesus but you don't want me to get into that. All I willl say is... i think the birthday celebration is a little bit late... So enjoy today for what it is. Eat good food (hopefully), spend time with family and friends, bury your living room under a blizzard of paper and tell the people you love that you love them. I'd say life is short and all that but I'm going to save all that mush for New Years. Holidays= Blogs ^_^

Again enjoy today or at least the food. I think the food is the best part of the holidays anyway. Yay for gluttony and awkward conversation!! Merry Meet and Happy Holidays again. Off to bed for me.... and I haven't cooked a thing...weird.

Does anyone else think this song is about Date Rape.? O_O;

Emos,Fruit Snacks, Milkshakes, & Ke$ha

I won't even metion Jell-O or Gummi Bears. You don't want me to even start. These are all people, just in case you were wondering. So I was supposed to post this a couple of days ago but I wasn't really feeling the direction i was going in so I sat back and let this sit for a while. Now that life has errupted into other melodrama I feel like I am suffiiciently equipped to post all this. Are you ready? I'm going to compartmentalize so I don't get confused. Let's get this trainwreck on the road.


Me on the Emo
Everyone has that friend that is really extreme and unnecessary. And everyone knows that if you actually set out to have it out with this friend that it will NOT end well no matter what you say. Perhaps it was a terrible idea...no actually it was a terrible idea. I ended up arguing with this person until eight something this morning. Yes this argurment took all night. I'm still tired. It was like Inception...you  think you understand it then you get to the end and you're more confused than you were in the beginning. Like...WHAT.? So I think it is safe to say the emo isn't my friend anymore. Apparently I'm an untrustworthy theif. Whatever! I never stole anyone! Yes I do mean anyone.


Me on the Fruit Snack:
Oh she is sweet. Has anyone heard the song I Have You To Thank by Gavin Degraw? I think I might post it. Anyway I think there is a line in that song that sums this up *clears throat* ahem..."One look at your smile and I'm all yours. Would you just smile at me again?" Man that's sappy as hell but it was stuck in my head. It's what I hear in my head whenever I thnk about her which is a little inconvenient when I have other situations that require my attention. Still if I see her blush it'll brighten my entire day so...yeah


Me on the Milkshake:
Maybe I am hypothetically lactose intolerant. The more I think about it the more my head hurts and I think about wiping my hands of the whole thing. Honestly I don't need this or want it but I still think that part of me is being unfair. Why can't Milkshakes be like Fruit snacks? Sweet, delicious and less irritating calories...yeah lets call it that.


Me on Ke$ha:
How did she even make it into this post? I don't know. She just happened to cross my mind when I was contemplating all this over a chocolate cupcake. I think it's because I miss her. Our ...relationship...if you can call it that was probably destructive but it was simple and I at least knew where I stood with her. Yeah I expect to vomit glitter and Jack Daniels now. Maybe I need a bath...Maybe I need to cleanse myself of all of it...

Straight off the breakfast of champions (Pepsi and Chocolate Chip Cookies)

The urge to write this literally pulled me out of my bed today. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my little brother crawled into my bed this morning when he thought I was sleeping. It made me smile to think that even though he's almost six he still likes to sleep in my arms sometimes. I'm hoping that at the very least this post inspires some discussion. A girl can dream...

I was...am thinking about sibling relations. Is it harder to be the older sibling or the younger one? I don't have any older siblings so I'm speaking from limited experience. I can say that being the oldest sucks sometimes. I wish I had a big sister or brother to talk to. I would like to do some of the harrassing instead of being harassed al the time. I have five little brothers and one little sister. I only see the aformentioned five year old regularly (we live together) but that's not important. Then again maybe it is important to my entire view on this whole thing.

If it hasn't been obvious I believe that I fail miserably at this big sister thing. How do you know if you're doing it right? I've probably damaged these poor kids for life(I'm being dramatic). By default everything that I accomplish or every mistake I make is under family scrutiny. As such is the family dynamic everything my siblings do or say will be held up next to something I've done in my nineteen years on this planet. Why does this happen? We're completely different people. I don't want my siblings to be like me. If anything I want them to be my complete opposite. A year or two ago I had a a surprise breakfast with four of my brothers and my sister. I was talking to my middle brother when  happen to let it slip that I thought he sounded like me. He turned and asked his mom (my step mom) and she said "You're just like her Tim*" His eyes dimmed. I thought it was a little funny at the time but in retrospect I think that maybe it had to suck. Why take the witty attribute of his personality away from him that way? He doesn't just want to be my little brother. He wants to be himself

I hate being scrutinized. I HATE having to set the example. What if I want to go out and just cause a ruckus(which is fun) Sometmes I just want to be able to mess up. I don't think I'm much to live up to anyway but that's not my point either. Why do I have to set a good example? I'm not a fucking parent. This shouldn't be my responsibility.

At the same time it has to suck to be the younger sibling. Who wants to here "When Anna was your age she..." or  "Why don't you play *insert random sport here* as well as Jason? He has trophies"? Well whooptie fucking doo for them! Is it really a question where sibling rivalries come from? It seems really obvious to me. So tell me universe...is it harder to live up to the standard or be the standard?

There's a monster at the end of this blog

Tell me what makes you green world. It's cool I'll keep your secret I promise. Let me apologize for my hiatus.... I'M SORRY READERS.! Pfft ha like I have readers. It just makes me feel good to think that someone out there is reading this and smiling because there is someone else on the planet they identify with. My idealistic charm at its greatest. <--- That my lovely universe is a fragment. Plus I don't think you should end a sentence with...well with. Whatever. Let me get back to the point of this.

You want to know what makes me green? It's progress. It makes me absolutely Elphaba from Wicked green. Maybe it has to do with that sucktastic(made up word yay) feeling that comes with me not making any. Are you feeling stagnant? Are you in a rut? Has it got you down? Wow I sound like one of those ads for depression medication. Moving on.  I don't care what you own or about your relationships. I don't give a damn if you're thinner, prettier, more athletic (I'm handicapped so that isn't too hard), or more intelligent than I am. That's the way the world works. However if I'm at a standstill and you're making progress...I get...*whisper* jealous

See I told you that there was a monster at the end of this blog. It's green, scaly, horned, and irritated. Mostly with myself but the feeling remains. I begrudge no one their happiness or progress.  have no ill will toward anyone. I honestly wish you all the greatest success. However, my monster and I are going to go pout and gripe in the corner.


P.S. I try to keep my music on here at least abstractly related to what I post. Not this time around though. I just think this song is amazing and couldn't get it out of my head. Enjoy

Imminent shutdown approaching in 5...4...3...2...

Perhaps this is karma for alll the crap I talk. Maybe it serves me right. I really don't feel like being a part of this. One sided situations don't strike my fancy. I've said before that some lessons needed to be learned the hard way and maybe this is one of them. At this point I'm not sure if I'm more upset with you or with myself. I do know that I am NEVER letting this happen again...even if that means letting you go. And if that is what you want just let me know already. This is irritating

Sparkler

Have you woken up one morning wondering what it was that you'd accomplished in the time you've been on this planet? Do you wonder if you changed something for someone? Have you made some one's day better? When I opened my eyes this morning I felt the strong urge to re-evaluate my effect on the world.

It is so depressing to think about how small we are in the grand scheme of things. There are billions of people on this planet. BILLIONS! The feeling of insignificance is sliding down my spinal column. It feels thick and sticky. I don't like it. Do you world? Are you even reading this?

But don't get me wrong. I'm not sad. More like inspired by my irritation. Yes that is a fragment. I know. There is only one me on this entire planet. I've always thought that this one fact made me special. That one thing makes us all special. Why not take advantage of it. We have to stand up and make the world take notice of us. How can we not?

I don't mean to get all preachy or anything but life is short. It isn't death in itself that I'm afraid of. While I want to stay on this planet for as long as possible, I'm  more afraid of dying and it not meaning anything. This is my pledge world, I will make sure that you all remember that I was here. You should make sure the world remembers that you were here.

Damn I told myself I would keep this short...anyway

LIVE

LOVE

LAUGH

DANCE

MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE

We're fireworks my lovely world. Let's put on the best damn show EVER!!!!

Today's Dabble in Poetry

In Hindsight

Maybe it has always been this way

Perhaps it was obvious

To someone who is not a slight optimist

That something was a little strange

Past occurrences tainted by the bitter feelings attached to the present

Feeling not exactly melancholy

But resigned to unprecedented stupidity

Still this heart would like to believe

That deep down somewhere the blooming flower was not just a brightly colored weed

Misleading into perceiving beauty which in truth only served to spread and infect with its malicious intent

Its a possibility that rose colored glasses have been covering the eyes of the beholder up until this moment

Making every instance of beauty and mirth a fleeting mirage

An illusion to placate the starving heart

One day this all may be looked at through different eyes

Felt with a heart marred with more experience

Examined by a brain with more intelligence

Idealism and naivete have most likely painted stars in these eyes

So now with a detached sort of awareness one feels a dull hurt and a kind of sharp sense of satisfaction

However apparent youth happens to be in the quarreling corners

It is amazing to behold the maturity and grace that have come from the depths of this heart and mind

Yet to be explored

Maybe it was always supposed to be this way

Some lessons are always learned the hard way

There is a faint feeling of loss

Being overshadowed however by this growing sense of gain

Perspective gained by the loss of evanescent skewed adoration

The loss of rose tinted view of the situation

Perhaps the price albeit painful is fair

Maybe in the long run it is absolutely the best thing