Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces

Why do we try so hard to keep the people who don't deserve us? Why do we put up with one sided relationships? I just don't understand it. Can someone tell me?

Even though I'm pretty sure that the person of which I speak doesn't realize it. Our friendship is over. I really can't put up with anymore of this bullshit. I guess she deserves a nickname like everyone else I've mentioned in this blog. Let's see...I can't really think of anything that isn't an insult. Let's call her Koala. Yeah Koalas are nice...that isn't insulting.

This wouldn't even be post worthy if it wasn't for all the history that's behind it. That's what makes this hurt. All the history, the experiences, the laughs, the tears, the shared secrets, the blow outs we've recovered from... Of every friend I have I NEVER thought I would write this about her. I thought we'd be friends forever. I guess I was wrong.

Now Koala isn't my best friend but she is my oldest friend...Correction...was my oldest friend. We've stood by each other through so much and now I'm walking away. Washing my hands. Giving up.

But again I am wrong. I've stood by her. She hasn't stood by me. Not really. Not in the 19 years that we have know each other has she ever really stood by me. It has always been one sided. That sounds dramatic but it's true. How many parties have I gone to where no one else showed up? How many times have I bailed on other friends to spend time with her.? I can't even count all the instances. And has she ever done that for me? No.

Now before you think this is your basic "girl gets popular then dumps single good friend" pump the breaks. That's not what this is. I don't mean this in a rude way but...Koala is not popular nor has she ever been. We're both just...normal. Regular. The final straw for me came this past Saturday. It was a gorgeous Spring day and my mother gave me some cash and encourage me and one of my besties Waterlilly to get out. To go out to eat or something like that. Thinking that was a fantastic idea. I jumped up and called Koala. Asking Waterlilly first of course seeing as we were taking her car and I definitely not consider the two friends by any means. So I called and extended the invitation and I got a semi enthusiastic yes. With some semblance of a plan in motion I went to change out of my Tweety Bird PJ's. Now unbeknown to me Koala had called back. When I saw the missed call I called her back. She answered and told me that she wasn't going to be able to hang out with us. I asked why. The following is a mostly accurate transcription of our conversation.

Me: Oh? Why not?

Koala: There's just too much stuff to do around here

(in the background) K's mom: She's lying  

Me (irritated now): Why don't you really want to go?

K: I just don't feel like it. 

Me: So you rather just sit in your apartment rather than spend time with me?

K: I don't have any money ****** (<== my name)

Me: You know I'd pay for you. It's not like we're going anywhere special or anything

K: I'm tired.

Me: Alright fine. You don't want to hang out with me then I'm not going to force you.

K: Alright.

Me: Bye

K: Bye

Me: (more to myself and waterlilly)  Well fuck you then  

The call was still running and I don't know if she heard me say that but at this point I don't really care if she did. I was hurt. If she didn't want to spend time with me then fine. I could get over that. What I can't get over is that she blatantly lied to me. And in front of her mother who called her out. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have known I was being lied to. It made me question all the other times I had invited her to do something with me and she bailed. Had she lied to me then too?

It dawned on me then that I always had to force her to do things with me. Like I said before, I have gone to the parties that she's had that NO ONE showed up to and she never did that for me. I had a graduation party and she only stayed for 15 minutes. I was 17 at the time so it was like.... 17 fucking years of fucking friendship and you only stay at my fucking party for 15 fucking minutes. What the fucking fuck.? Wow I used that word a lot.  Moving on.

This is running long so I'm going to condense all I was going to say to a fine point. No one should ever have to try that hard with someone who is supposed to be their friend. The fact that she lied to me so bold faced is fucking (there's my word again) disrespectful and I won't forgive it. EVER. So if your reading this and you're going through anything like this drop whoever it is. I'm telling you to do it. DO IT NOW.! I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Because it isn't. Feel free to cry. I did. I've known Koala for 19 years (since I was born ) So this is difficult for me. I'm not just talking out of my ass. I'm just telling you what you and I both seem to have trouble grasping

!!!!!.YOU DESERVE BETTER.!!!!!!!

M.I.A

So I haven't posted in a while and it's totally not my fault this time. My laptop decided to have a meltdown and wipe out everything on my hard drive. Including the password to the router at my house. So while my Brick's (that's my laptops name...duh) crisis is over and she's running smoothly...I am sans interenet unless I want to use my relic of a desktop. I don't like this thing. It's slow and the keyboard is covered in who knows what thanks to my little terror. (My baby brother)

Along with losing my router passcode I also lost ALL of my music and ALL of my stories...including my halfway finished novel that I have been working on off and on since I was 17. I wanted to lay down and cry. Clearly it was time for me to give up on life. I was never going tp write another word...

But kudos to me for emailing my novel to my lovely Blue Eyes a week before my computer issues began and my amazing bestie Str8jacket had my stories backed up on her computer. My words shall live to see another day.! I could cry from happiness. All of my words are now safely backed up on a flash drive. I'm thinking about putting it in a safe.

I guess this is karma for being lazy. I kept saying that I was going to back up my work and I never did. Consider my lesson learned captain. I'll never make that mistake again. Alas in all this drama...which for once does not include any girls...my blogging has been laid to the wayside. And it probably will be sporadic for a while. At least untile i get my internet situation figured out. But trust me I will return with the drama, tips, tidbits, and more shiny stuff than you can handle. I said you were taking this journey with me remember. Ths has been a minor setback but please do keep your arms, legs, and asses inside the ride at all times. *in my Natalie Portman voice* This is gonna be fun

Long overdue keyboard sex

Did you check? You totally checked. Then you laughed. Save this picture if it strikes you. I like to share. Okay not really but let's pretend that I do....

Wow I can't believe that I've had this blog for an entire year.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long. This time last year I was sitting in my dorm room wishing my by then ex-roommate would spontaneously burst into flames. God I didn't like her...no that isn't true...I did...then I didn't...her fault btw. Now I'm sitting on my couch wishing that I was back in my dorm room. Funny huh?

^My ex roommate^

So feeling nostalgic I went back and read my first post. The amount of asshole-ishness in that post was astounding to me. I'm sorry. I was having a bad week. The most interesting thing about it was the fact that I said that this wouldn't be personal. That's a huge lie. It's completely personal. All I want is for this to be a safe place. Like it says in the banner of this blog. If you haven't found something you identify with...come back tomorrow. I really mean that.

I've been through a lot of stuff that I've just been too lazy to write about. (But I made sure to share the really juicy bits with you) So I pledge to pay this blog, my beliefs and all three of my readers with more respect. I'll at least give you something pretty to look at...

In case you haven't figured it...I'm a total lez  ^_^

And good music to boot

*Bonus Feature* Tips, Tidbits and Shiny Stuff

Yes I'm supposed to be posting about other thing. Yes I will post other things. However there are other things
I wish to share with you. Think of this like the random stuff they put at the end of DVDS. Except without the annoying trailers of movies you have either already seen or have no intention of seeing...

Speaking of movies...

I've watched a lot of random movies lately. This can be directly attributed to the fact that I am an insomniac. So while the rest of the world is tucked safely in their beds I am perusing the Comcast movie channels for something that isn't porn. And it's a lot harder than you think. One time I thought The Devil Wears Prada was on. I got all excited (Anne Hathaway and Merryl Streep = winning combination)  and quickly turned to the channel. Imagine my surprise when I figured out it was actually The Devil Wears Nada....

So I've found two movies in my insomnia fueled search that I think you should know about.  The first is Women in Trouble

This movie stars Carla Gugino (yeah the mom from Spy Kids),  Emanuelle Chriqui, and the totally adorable Isabella Gutierrez. It's the story of 10 women...well 9 women and one girl who's lives all intersect on this one hectic day. There's a pregnant porn star (Gugino) a clueless therapist, a wiccan child who smokes imaginary cigarettes and a Canadian masseuse among others. At points it was campy and looked like it was shot on the fly (which it was). But I think that was part of the charm of the film. It wasn't highly stylized or stereotypical. It wasn't a romance. Women in Trouble is a comedy led by a  female cast which is really rare. I don't want to give any of the plot away. But I will say that watching Carla Gugino and Connie Britton divulge life secrets in their underwear while stuck on an elevator was a definite plus. It is definitely worth the time to watch...There's going to be a sequel too which I'm really excited about so I say check it out. If I had to rate it...I'd give it 4.5 stars.(I wish it was longer)

The second movie I want to tell you about is The Chumscrubber 

This movie stars Camilla Belle, Glenn Close, Justin Chatwin and a bunch of other people that I've seen before but don't know their names. Ms. Perky from 10 Things I Hate About You (the movie) is in it. I like her. This movie is about the aftermath of  a drug dealer's death. I know that sounds kind of goofy but it was pretty good. It pretty much follows the main character guy who won't deal with the fact that his best friend (the dealer) hanged himself. Sprinkle in some clueless parents, a kidnapping ,two stabbing victims, and a wedding and you have yourself a movie. I think satires -if done correctly- can be some of the best movies. If darker humor isn't your thing then I highly suggest you watch anything other than this movie. Sure I watched it at 4 am but  I still think it's worth watching...And like before I don't want to give any of the plot away so I'm going to stop talking about this here. I give it a 4 (This is out of 5 by the way)

Now for my tips.

Subconsciously I probably just wanted a reason to talk about food. And this maybe just a matter of personal taste. But I feel I must tell you all that if you are going to fry chicken...A taco seasoning packet is a really great seasoning option.

Seriously!!! Try it!

Don't look at me like that. I'm not insane. I maybe a little off sometimes but I am not crazy. I promise. I made this discovery while surveying our cabinets, not sure what I was going to do with the chicken I had taken out for dinner. I felt like the damn thing was staring at me, daring me to use it. So being my adventurous self I said what the hell and marinated the chicken in it. I figured that if it sucked we could trash it and eat hot dogs. My brother is six. He doesn't care.

I won't say I was't apprehensive about it. That would be a lie. I was scared as shit. So I was pleasantly jumping off the walls when I tasted it and it was really good. It really holds up to the frying process well. How many times have you thought you've seasoned something well enough then fried it only to realize that it could use a lot more seasoning? Be honest.  So if you're feeling adventurous one night I say try it. Comment on how it works for you.

Before we move on to shiny stuff....let's talk about....CAKE

I just want to impart one little piece of undercover foodie wisdom...

Separated eggs:

equals fluffy:

 I'm pretty sure everyone does this but if you don't I want to put this out there for ya. Separate your eggs and beat the whites. Fold the whites into your already mixed batter (with the oil, yolks and such). I swear by this. It does wonders for a box cake. You might want to add some sour cream too but that is for another post.

Now on to shiny stuff

Which is honestly not shiny at all. Actually this is kind of dark...meaning it's in black and white mostly.
I'm speaking of the lovely GIRLTRASH! I found this web series while I was bored one night (I'm bored alot) and had no where to go. I'm not even going to say what it's about. I will say that it features Gabrielle Christian & Mandy Musgrave (South of Nowhere), Rose Rollins ( The L Word)  and  Amber Benson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) If that doesn't pull you in...I don't know what will

This has been Tips, Tidbits and Shiny Stuff. Another should appear next month or so. The fictional people in my head (story characters) and I hope you have enjoyed it. Now back to your regularly scheduled rants and stuff.

Happy Mother F*king Rev Day

Yeah so I've really abandoned this thing these last few weeks huh? I'm sure you all are missing me terribly *snort* I actually have more post ideas than I know what to do with. Couple that with the fact that I'm a little lazy and a lot indecisive and you get post droughts and post explosions <=== I think I might copyright that. There is so much that I want to say. That I need to say. I don't know where to begin.

This post won't really touch on any of my million ideas...I'm sorry. It's just that today is special. The Reverend Tholomew Plague turned 30 today. Or at least he would have if he was still alive. Actually I have a theory, he's not really dead. He just jumped off the bus, ran into the woods and went to practice his knife skills while chasing FUCKING STALLION DUCKS!!! (If that doesn't make sense take your ass over to youtube and look it up.)

For those of you who live under a freaking rock I am speaking of no other than James Owen Sullivan. The drummer of my favorite band in the entire world. A7X foREVer!!! I miss him. Which is creepy because I didn't even know him but still I do and there is probably a tribute tattoo somewhere in the future. The man was a fucking beast and I don't care what anyone says. Jimmy is and always will be a fucking legend. The hardest part of it...I think... is watching people that you idolize have to figure out how their supposed to keep going without their best friend. I can't imagine what his family is going through today. I'm having a hard time and I'm just a fan...no not a fan...THE fan. Everyone should light a candle today...and do some fucking shots. I think he would like that.

Seeing as were on the subject of my absolute favorite band I have to post about their concert. I went and it was fucking bananas. I laughed. I cried. I screamed my head off and may or may not have gotten hit on by some married dude from Pennsylvania. I'm also going to post about how I think the music industry ruins friendships. It's pretty obvious but there is a rant brewing about it in my head. Get ready.

......I know I usually have a song...but I can't...not for this...I'm going to go light my candle...

Well maybe it's not my weekend...nah fuck that it's going to be awesome just to spite you

So let me apologize in advance for the rant that is about to follow. It is most definitely going to be a rant because...I need to fucking rant. This is so not what this post was supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about dreams and lists and goals a la my Sparkler post a few weeks ago. This was supposed to be all uplifting and whatnot. But it won't be because I'm confused, amused, and a little irritated. So I'm going to put it out into the universe in search of an explanation. You game.? Awesome!

I think Skype might be the WORST invention on the planet. Like it is the most horrible thing ever. Okay maybe it's not. Maybe my letting my grandfather(yeah) talking me into downloading the shit was the worst thing ever. Yes. Let's go with that...

So you remember the Emo right.? If you don't go back a post or two if you do fantastic. I've addressed this person before. And I have clearly stated that no matter what I say our conversations go horribly wrong. So why, lovely universe did I decide to drive off of this cliff again? Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am a glutton for punishment. I always thought that phrase was over dramatic until...right this second. Ahhh nooo! Steer away from the melodrama...But rants are melodrama...Focus woman!

Anyway the Emo has been all homicidal lately and I decided to check on that person seeing as a certain someone asked me about it and I am delightfully nosy. I mean when some one's Skype status is "Can I Just Fucking Kill You!!!...Fucking Bitch" you get a little curious right? Right? Wrong? Whatever. So little old me decides to ask if the Emo is okay which is buy far one of the worst decisions I have made in my life since...well the last time I decided to talk to that fucking psychopath. Seriously someone needs to keep me away from my freaking computer. I try to use my Internet connection for good and it blows up in my face. Perhaps I should be a villain.

Well I'm the villain in the Emo's life story anyway. I've never addressed it in full before but we had this big knock down drag out fight over the Fruit Snack like three weeks ago. Long blah blah short I was wrong. I hurt , shocked and betrayed the Emo. I'm a bad person for liking the Fruit Snack. If I was a decent friend I would just stop liking them. I cared more about the Fruit Snack than the Emo.~insert profanity and a bunch of misunderstandings her~ Yadda yadda yadda Whatever I told my best friends about it, ate some chocolate, and went on with my life. I have not thought about any of this since like...two days after it happened because I was still trying to wrap my head around it. That was dumb by the way the Emo barely speaks decent English. Fucking confusing. Anyway. I let it go. Had a nice holiday. Had some wine on New Years...that whole deal.

Unbeknownst to me, the Emo has been letting that whole thing fester for weeks. Which of course I probably should have already known because that is what the Emo does. The Emo hasn't trusted me since this one incident at a party (of which I admit I was wrong, but not the only one to blame) and didn't come out and say it until two years later. Clearly it is a patten. I should have known this from the whole suicide attempt debacle. Honestly people don't go around telling people that you're going to kill yourself and not expect your friends not to freak and try to stop you. I mean come on how does that make sense?

So I go and ask the Emo if they are okay. They say no. Why do you care *whine* *whine* *bitch* *moan* I get called a liar, a backstabber, heartless, and lo and behold the Skype status is about me. Apparently the Emo wants to end my life. How do I respond? "OMG really.? That's fantastic!" I was literally laughing so hard that I almost dropped this expensive ass laptop. I've never gotten death threats on the internet before. It was something new and different for me. I was absolutely giddy. Or maybe shaking with irritation. I'm not sure yet. I laughed like a crazy person...scared my little brother shitless too. So I tried at three different times to stop this conversation. Partly because I was laughing so hard my sides hurt and partly because I didn't want to be rude. Okay well more rude than I was already being. I threw down my asshole card pretty hard. I went on this whole rant about bunnies and pillow pets and speed(the card game). The Emo thought I was upset. Which I thought was cute. People need to stop assuming they know what I'm like when I'm upset. They're WRONG. Let me add that during the course of this conversation the Emo had found someone to fabricate what the beginning of my relationship with ex boyfriend was like. Apparently I kissed him under some stairs while he was still dating the girl before me (WTF.?!) And I had to ask....where the fuck is the Emo getting thier information? That's not what happened at all! "People" says the Emo.  "Well people fucking lie...or just don't know what the fuck their talking about" I respond. So for the sake of whoever the hell the Emo was talking shit about me with I went to my ex and we set that record straight. It probably didn't change much but I still don't like being thought of as a home wrecker. If I was a home wrecker I'd fucking admit it because I'm an ass like that.

On top of being irritating as well as amusing the conversation had gotten creepy for me. I asked the psycho why they hadn't delete me if they hated me so much. Sine you've been such a good sport and made it to this point I will tell you what I learned. The Emo is keeping tabs on me. Trying to keep their enemies close or some shit like that. I have committed this capital offense against the Gods by breaking this magic "bond"(don't get me started) between the Emo and the Fruit Snack. I'm the most horrible person on the planet. And rather than asked me or the Fruit Snack what was going on (if anything at all) you're going to skulk around my Skype and Facebook trying to find shit to be upset about? My first reaction was...BITCH GET A FUCKING LIFE!!! But I didn't say that. I told the Emo that it was stupid and obsessive. To which I got to response  "you don't understand". And the Emo is correct. I don't understand how one person can be that fucking crazy. But I didn't say that either...

So lets recap what we've learned today kiddies:
~ I'm a liar
~I'm a backstabber
~I'm heartless
~I ruin relationships
~I'm a bitch
~That psychopath wants to end my life

But I'M the bad guy here. Makes sense don't it? I didn't think so either

So it's Momiji's year!!! Ahh the cuteness overwhelms me so

So it goes without saying that I was supposed to do this a couple of days ago. I got a little busy. I'm not about to say that I'm letting everything from 2010(year of the tiger) go. Because I'm not going to let it go. Last year was a crash course in human interaction and most of the time it was thoroughly painful. Just to clarify the year of the rabbit doesn't stat until February or somewhere around there... I thought you'd like to know that.

I didn't come into the holiday season in a particularly happy mood. Quite frankly I was on the verge of a meltdown. You see I'm fine with not getting what I want all the time but I felt like I was getting kicked in the teeth. I'd like to say that all that's over now but i don't know that for sure. And I really okay with that.

Did everyone enjoy their New Years? Did you drink.? Did you watch the ball drop? Did you kiss someone at midnight? I myself did all these things. Except the whole kiss at midnight thing. It was at Meijers in the middle of the day. But alas that is unimportant to this post. I'll harp more on that in a different post. I enjoyed New Years Eve immensely. I hope the rest of you did too.

I don't know if this is going to be a good year for me. However I do know that anyone who reads this is coming along for the ride with me. I must implore you to keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times. We at Adisneylandacidtrip are not responsible for any loss of belongings, limb or sanity. Remember this if nothing else my lovelies...Once we've hit the top, we've just begun.